Thus Whined Vinayaka Rama - 7

"I think I have completely forgotten what I wanted to forget. And now it is annoying me because I do not even know if I have succeeded in forgetting what I should have forgotten. What if I still remember it and do not know that this is what I should not have remembered at all?"

The Taming of the PC

In his agonizingly long short life, Vinayaka Rama managed to do a lot of things. Spending a week in police custody was one of them. This particular piece of history does not deal with the cause but rather with the sufferings of Vinayaka Rama and the people who made the mistake of striking a conversation with him – when he was in their custody.


And one day, Vinayaka Rama managed to escape from the police custody…. Only to end up returning for the night. The constable was shocked. The shocked constable made the mistake of asking ……


PC - Why did you get out?!

VR - Because I could not stay here any more!

PC – And, why could you not stay here!

VR - I wanted to see how it looked outside.

PC - But you said you got out because you could not stay here.

VR - Yes.

PC - And now you are saying you did not stay here because you wanted to get out.

VR - No.

PC - YES.

VR - No.

PC - What did you say then?

VR - I said I didn’t stay because I wanted to look what was out there.

PC - And you did not stay there because?!

VR - Because I saw what was out there.

PC - And you did not like it?

VR - No.

PC - What do you mean by ‘No’?

VR - The answer to your question.

PC - But what is it?

VR - It means No.

PC - I know what No means. I don’t know what does No mean for my question.

VR - What is your question?

PC – Didn’t you like it?

VR - What?

PC - What you saw out there !

VR - Don’t you know what is out there?

PC - I know.

VR - Ok.

PC - Tell me.

VR - You already know.

PC - What?

VR - Yes.

PC - No. I don’t !

VR - You said you knew.

PC – What exactly did I say?

VR - When?

PC - What?

VR - What?

PC - What did I say?

VR - When did you say what?

PC - How am I supposed to know that?

VR - And how am I supposed to know what you are supposed to know but you don’t know?

There was a punch. A few stars. A single red bump on the chin. There was the bruised face of Vinayaka Rama and a bruised soul of the police constable.

I am the.....

I am the bored.


I have lived the life of a coward. A coward who knew he was a coward, but who refused to accept it. I am not sure if people generally behave this way - not accepting what they know to be the truth, but i assume, it comes naturally to a lot of people. And I am one of them. A coward. I am also a coward who refused to try new things. Refusal does not come naturally to me, probably I refused to be natural, which is in a way a damning statement about my rate of refusals. Refusing to try and refusing to be natural when refusal is not natural.


I am not just the bored. I am the defeated. And the confused.


I am not confused because I am ignorant about the world. I am confused because I am not ignorant of a few things in the world which I should have been ignorant of. Now I cannot ignore. I cannot pretend that I don't care too. Because pretending is ignoring. Ignoring my self. Note that my self is not equal to myself. There is a lot of difference on a fundamental level. While the space between me and self is very philosophical the spacelessness between me and self smacks of selfishness. I am not selfish. As i said, just a tad confused. Do not confuse it with me being ignorant about the world. Did i say that already? Yes. Do not get too confused about my confusion. It is my nature to be confused. I am a natural. But didn't I just say i refuse to be a natural? I think it should not be taken out of the context. I digress.


I am the bored, the defeated, and the confused. And also the digressed.


It is not for me to point out my digressions. I am not talking about life, of which there are many, but I am talking about the statements that I make on my life, of which there are many too. I think your point about both being the same is valid. I don't deny that. I cannot. I don't have the intellect to deny it nor the heart. I am the bored, remember? And the defeated too, comprende? So I am the digressed. I jump from the wooden plank to the roaring sea like the pirate who never quite figured out the difference. He knew it was death jumping in, but it was death standing on the wooden plank too, especially when there was a handful of people having their hands filled with knives and swords. And i prove my point about being the digressed. Hope I make enough sense.


I am not just the bored, the defeated, the confused, and the digressed. I am the less hoped too. Whatever that means.

Thus Whined Vinayaka Rama - 6

"I, even though it is not very unusual, have always had difficulty in differentiating my illusions from my reality. They both seem so real to me.The other day, the love of my life said that sometimes I am such a sweetheart. I asked her if she was on drugs or if I was."

Thus Whined Vinayaka Rama - 5

"Gentlemen never kiss and tell. So...err.. how about the ladies?"

This Whined Vinayaka Rama - 4

"I am a social misfit. I don’t believe in the heights of ecstasy nor in the maniacal suicidal depressions. Boring, unwavering equilibrium - that’s what I believe in. You might even term me as unfit. "

- On being asked by his wife if he was fit enough for another round of... well..

Thus Whined Vinayaka Rama - 3

"The reason I don't take a decision is because, as a citizen of this ancient, wise, spiritual, dirty, corrupt, hypocrite country, I need to help democracy grow. Unfortunately, the voices in my mind never agree on anything. Sometimes there is a two way split, sometimes there is a three way split, sometimes I end up studying advance mathematics to understand the quantity of splits. Life in a democracy is tough"

- On being asked if he has finally taken a decision on marrying the love of his life. Err.. the second love of his life.

Caught Thinking Out Loud

These dim-witted nit wits knew they were being photographed. What they did not know what was, they were being secretly scanned for their thoughts too!

From Left to Right –

Santosh Snake Naga: “I hope Sailesh wont mind the disappearance of his shades. After all, I just borrowed it with an intention of returning it back. Probably I should have told him when I took it, but now it’s too late. Anyway, I am going to give it back after this photo session. I hope he will not see it reappearing. It would be bad for my reputation. If he has not seen it disappearing let him not see it reappearing. That way, everyone will be happy. Especially me.  By the way, who is that photographer? Cant even see a damned thing in this dark shades. I can see that he has beard and long hair. Oh there is a tattoo too. I think it is Vardhaman. Sometimes you get so confused between those two guys.”

Bala The Gentle Giant: “Haha. It was so funny. Really. It was very funny. Although I cant remember, why exactly it was funny, it was really funny, and that much I can remember. Oh  crap! Is that guy taking our photograph? Shit ! I hope I don’t look as fat as I really am. Not that it matters. If wifey is ok, who the hell cares about the world. Huh. But that was really funny. I should tell this to the wifey. Only if I can remember what caused it to be funny. Damn! When will Sailesh press the ‘cilck’ button?!!  Seems to be taking forever”

Kapil KD Dev: “There is no privacy at all. This shameless bugger is taking a photograph even when I am sleeping. Uh oh. Where is my mobile? I don’t know how many messages I might have missed. Might I be appearing very serious? I should smile. I hope my smile doesn’t appear artificial, because, I really don’t want to smile, I need to reply to those messages which definitely would be lying in my inbox now, but then if I don’t, what will people think. Especially the guy who is lying like a log next to me. I don’t want to appear like a person who is missing something. Smile, grin, and bear it for now”

Vardhamana PJ PG Whatever: “Ray-Ban! God given. God created. The sun is shining bright, and here I am, as chilled as a bottle of beer. Did that come out in a wrong way. I think it did. I think that’s why people think I am obsessed about self , hair, and every silly little thing. Though I beg to differ. This KD here is pretty serious. I think he is thinking about Amy Jackson. Amy Jackson is a pretty girl ! Which movie did she star in? I got to research on that today. Hmm. I hope this photo comes out nice. I might look like a barbarian, but I should look like an official barbarian. There, it came out wrong again, all obsessed about the self! What is wrong with me!!!”

Pawan Silent Prabhakar: “For a change everyone is grinning. Thank god photographs don’t talk. If they had that feature, I would have really gone mad. I listen to their crap in the office, I listen to their crap in the cafeteria, I listen to their crap in this resort, and I cant listen to their crap even after I go home. Thank god for the photographs. Thank god they haven’t hit upon the idea of making a video! The moment they decide on creating a video, I am going to plug my ears with the strongest stuff that nature has ever created. I don’t want to listen to the ‘La’s, the ‘bugger’s, the ‘bloody hell’s, and the other assorted Nepali, Malayalam, Kannada,  Tulu swear words. But, why the hell am I smiling? Bloody hell. Oh shit, this swearing disease! It’s contagious !”

The Aqua Man

(Click on the picture to calculate the distance between Aquaman
and Aqua (No. Aqua is not the name of the girl))

"It's a frog" croaked the old man.

"It's a dolphin!" yelped the excited pretty young thing.

"No..It's Praveen 'The Aqua man'" squeaked the five year old kid who watches a lot of cartoons but can see things for what they are.

The Aqua Man dived with the precision of a speeding bullet on it's way to meet the pre-frontal lobe of a demented politician. He met the tensed surface of water (The water was tensed because that's it's nature, not because of Aqua Man. For more information, please research on surface tension and water strider) with great felicity, sliced through it like a new blade on a three day old beard, submerged in the 'as-blue-as-a-bottle-of-diluted-ujala' pool for exactly 2 seconds, and reared his head again like a submarine popping out from the imposing depths of the 'concentrated-ujala' ocean. If you did not hear the roar of a sea-lion, it's because the Aqua Man, as the name suggests, is no sea-lion, but a human being. He just 'whoo'd.

It is interesting to note that even though human beings do have a tendency to roar, they generally avoid roaring as soon as they pop their heads above the water to avoid breathing the water in with the oxygen. Human beings tend to say 'whoo' or 'whoa' or 'aaah' depending on their aquatic capability and their musical sensibility. Our Aqua Man said 'whoo'. Basically he 'whoo'd, which is almost similar to 'wooed'. You woo a girl and you whoo the water and the pleasure of wooing and whooing is not very different which the masters of wooing and whooing are already aware of. However, if you have suddenly realized that whooing also results in the intake of H2O with O2, you are right, and I have no clue why human beings prefer the whooing to the roaring.

The sun shone down on the Aqua Man with pleasure, tanning him with the glee of a kid who is peeing on the compound of his jail-like school. The Aqua Man did take no notice of it. For him, the water was his world now, and the land was a distant planet which held no particular interest. As the other human beings dived around him, turning themselves into guileless buffaloes and graceless wildebeests, the Aqua Man whood again, welcoming them to his world, and smirking at their inability to translate their agility on land to floatability on water.

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The series of circusmtances that lead to the emergence of Aquaman (and the other happenings of the day)

The Snake And Its Plea

"Ravaging times are back again my King, the times are not ravaging in itself, it is them the group which I always blame are to be blamed"


"?"


"O Lord of the throne which is held by the Queen, I plead thee, to voice your command and rid this land from the sins of the blamed"


"!"


"I exhort and I expect, My silent emperor, of great punishments you will mete, to those who I always blame, not because they deserve, but because, they are to be blamed for the deeds of everyone"


"?!"


"The Son of Queen, I am afraid, will cast you away from the throne, but the time, is yet to arrive in all its pomp and glee. I will smile then, my Lord, with an evil smirk and grin, for you have disappointed me by your appalling silence, I will stamp my foot upon thy bearded chin"


"??"


"O Queen, I admire thy patience, thy courage, thy tenacity. You, my Queen, are to be admired, the namesake King has his speech stolen and yet still alive. My Queen, let your Son rise and let the Silence fall"


"!!"


"Bloody hound of the hand! I screamed and sang so much and this man still blinks and stares and looks at me with his worn out eyes and exclaimations and question marks. Cant he ever talk ? Let the queen go to hell with her son and whoever she wants to go with. I am out of my skin".


Thus spoke the snake from the desert, cast his old skin away, and with a new greenish whitish bluish skin, disappeared into the bushes.