Strange things happen to men when they are faced with hot women and cool weather. Stranger things happen when there is cold water.
Our gentle giant Bala let out his Mowgli-Tarzan-Whoo cry. It was a sign of happiness bordering on delirium.
NHNT Pawan let out a soft howl through his tightly clenched, albiet grinning, teeth.
I did not know how to react. I love water. I hate water. I love the feeling when the weather is cool. I love it more when it is cold. I absolutely hate it when the water is cold though. So you know, the contradictions, they make a man happy, they make a man go crazy, they make a man a little ecstatic, the reason being he does not know if he likes it or not, and I was in that state of not knowing what to say or what to think. As I said earlier, I did not know how to react.
Tukku, being the gentleman he generally is, preferred to reserve his comment. He plucked his comment from inside his mind, placed it on the stone which was nearby, climbed a bigger rock which stood next to it and jumped on the comment which he had placed, breaking the comment into countless different pieces. Only after some research that took a very long time did we realize that the relationship between him and water was never good. No, they were not divorced. They were not even married. For heaven's sake, they were not even lovers. They just didn't get along well. That's all.
We were coupled with red life jackets which really didn't fit any of us. It was too loose for me. I saw Tukku and realized it was too loose for him too. It was 'I-don't-think-it-is-comfortable-enough' for NHNT, and was too tight for the GG(Unsurprisingly, i hasten to add). Now if your question is, "Did you guys really need that jacket? Its such a fuckin' small pond! Aren't you ashamed?", all I can say is, "I really am not a fan of life in general, but in general, death by water is not a good way to die too! If you don't know how to swim, and yet value your pride, you can go and drown yourself. I love my red jackets."
We wore the jackets, a little apprehensive, just a little bit ashamed, as happy as a dog which has just been unleashed, and got into the water.
A minute later we were back on the land.
"Friggin C..O..LLL.DDDD". Someone said. I am pretty sure it was me, but well, the other guys told it too, in a lot of different ways. Doesn't really matter. What matters is this. It was such a 'I-can-cook-dosas-on-this-rock' hot day and the water was cold. So cold ,someone could have used it to chill beer (Ooops.. I hope I haven't given any wrong ideas to anyone who matters!). The guide who brought us there had a smirk on his face (oh, didn't I mention him? Damn, i always keep forgetting about these guides. I think they will banish me soon) which was wide enough to force me not read between the lines which said, "These people from cities.. so spoilt, so soft". Soft. Yeah. Soft as in 'that girls' skin is soft', 'ooo... baby, you are so soft', 'this sofa is soft'. Mind you, men never like these 'softs' when it is on them.
This pond was created by a waterfall which fell from around 40 feet (i am not very good at these assumptions. So you can either google it and find it out for yourself or take my word for it). It was not a big one, but well, one that was surprisingly adequate to play around. So happy were we with this fall, I can even go to the extent of saying that our stay in Ghatikallu (News: Ghatikallu is not a name that the people here identify their place with. Ghatikallu is the result of just another marketing strategy) was such an enriching experience because we spent some time under this fall (and also because we dragged ourselves to the mudfort, which you might have read about). Do not burden me with your question - "What is the name of this fall?". How the fuck does that matter when a rose by any other name is still a rose?
Argument with an unsound logic you say? I agree.
A rose by any other name is still a rose. The point is, there is something that you can call it with. So let us not overly complicate this with names that are hard to remember. Let's call this fall, THE FALL.
On the way to Horanadu from Mudigere, just take a few rights, a few lefts, climb that steep hill, roll down again, and there you are - you are standing in front of THE FALL. We took an easier route though. We just stayed in Ghatikallu homestay. Our guide, who incidentally owns this Ghatikallu homestay, carried us in his gypsy, through the previously mentioned, right-left-up-down terrain and just when we were wondering if we were anywhere near the Sri Lankan border, the gypsy stopped. After the gypsy stopped, it was our turn to take a small right, a minor left and roll downhill to arrive at the pond.
And right next to the pond was THE FALL.
And that's where this writing began.
Oh yeah. We got into the pond anyway. While the gentle giant used his enormously huge limbs to plough through the water and reach the other side of the pond where the waterfall was, lesser mortals like us had to use the same enormously huge limbs (not ours... the gentle giants' !) to reach it and feel its force. Of course Tukku was not there. It is not right on our part to speculate the reason for his absence. We already know it.
After three agonizing cold minutes under THE FALL, the lesser mortals - myself and NHNT - decided to swim away (the right word is float away, we don't know how to swim, but we have embarassed ourself too much now). We swam, I showed what a creative person I am by rotating clockwise and anticlockwise in the pond, Tukku was still emotionally detached with the capricious water lady, NHNT was just beginning to get all warmed up in the cold water, Bala threw himself around dwarfing even the giant fall, and the guide still had the smirk, courtsey the panic we created just because there was a water-snake trying to catch a dragonfly.
Bloody soft spoilt city guys.
I spent the next ten minutes trying to catch my breath (I think the cold water was so cold, my breath started solidifying. A pile of bullshit you say? I completely agree) and the others spent the same ten minutes getting all dressed up. We bid goodbye to the water snake which created panic, bid goodbye to the red jackets, and wished to bid goodbye to the bunch of beautiful girls who were just coming in to enjoy the pond. With a towel on my head and a sunglass on my eyes, I hiked my way back to the gypsy. Tukku walked like a gentleman just a few metres away from me - with a towel on his shoulders. The gentle giant had already disappeared with his camera while Pawan (yes, yes.. the NHNT), I guess, had made a few jumps like pawan putra hanuman and got into our vehicle the moment that snake had come out of its home to have its brunch (i hope so, he wasn't with us, and I don't think he was with the bunch of girls.. or was he???).
Disclaimer: All that has been written here might factually not be 100 percent accurate, but the essence of the story remains true to the happenings of the day. If the reader thinks it is necessary to bring to my notice that some of the things could never have happened or has never happened, he can take the water-snake from the pond and stuff it inside his noise so that it can remove the blockade which might exist between his brain and his 'sense-of-humour-nerve'. Thank you for your patience. Have a good day.
The 3 men were climbing the hill from a long time. The knight in purple was named Nikhil by his father and Tuks by his friends. The man with the white cap was Pawan (which means 'wind', but we never hear him howling nor talking) and the man in the extreme right is a giant who is around 6 feet and 3 inches and has a long name which matches his height. He was named Balasubramanya , a name which becomes even bigger when he adds his fathers' name to his name - the full name reads Balasubramanya Ramachandra. It is a different matter altogether that, we lazy asses shorten even the shortest possible name - so the long name Balasubramanya Ramachandra becomes Bala, which in Kannada language can mean a tail and which in Sanskrit can mean a kid.
Ok. I digress.
The 3 men were climbing the hill from a long time. The goal was to reach its top which supposedly had a fort (ok ok, the fort was not SUPPOSEDLY there, it WAS there) built by one Ballalaraya, a small time chieftain some time in once-upon-a-time, whose only claim to fame being his death in the hands of Tipu Sultan (is he the lost-in-a-different-dimension-brother of the great Genghis Khan?). The websites had waxed eloquent about the breathtaking view of the hills and valleys they would be bombarded with at the top of this hill. Their guide (his name is long lost in the mist of hopelessly non-linear time) had promised them, once they reach the top of the hill, shade from the scorching sun and place to rest, but they were in no position to completely believe him nor dispute his claim of being the messiah of the shade. The trek in its 4th hour, the sun beating down mercilessly on the top most point of their head, the not-so-cool-wind blowing on their face with the same vigor of a 20 year old trucks' exhaust pipe, the climbers were in a very delicate position. The Purple Knight was as silent as a girl who is making love to her man in a dark room filled with snoring men. Pawan, the non-howling-non-talking wind, still was in a no-howling-no-talking mode, and the Gentle Giant was wondering aloud about the giantness of his body and its pros and cons...well, mostly cons.
Ok. There were 4 men climbing the hill. Not 3 as was claimed in the beginning. Of course I failed to count in the guide. My mistake.
The March sun can be very unforgiving to people who are unprepared. NHNT (Pawan, the non-howling-non-talking) had a white cap on his head but he was not prepared for the brightness his eyes were coping with. If his eyes had a mouth, his ears would have heard a lot of howling and talking which he would not have liked very much, but then nature in its infinite wisdom did not provide eyes a mouth, so well, that is that. The Purple Knight was not protected by a cap nor by sunglasses, so the less said about him, the better. Bala was protected by his sunglasses, but well, what problem can be bigger than the bigness of his physique, especially when he is climbing a big hill in the middle of a FUCKIN' HOT DAY? None.
And yet they persevered. Feet by feet they conquered. They bent their backs, put their heads down, wiped the overflowing sweat on their face, and walked like men possessed. Well, it wasn't all that serious and mystical, but yeah, they did walk like they had an important goal to reach. Sorry about the exceedingly exaggerated 'walked like men possessed' part though. Thinking about the burnt grass, the still green forest, the brown soil under their feet, they hiked. And then they heard the sentence they were all waiting for.
"There is the fort. Another 10 minutes and we are there". The guide was relieved that they were there. Not because he was tired. Well, he was tired of the silent whining. But yeah, even though he physically wasn't tired, he was relieved that he would not have to carry any almost dead person to the top of the hill and the way back. (Talking about the way back, the 3 men had seen that movie 'The Way Back' just a week before their trek to the mud fort and all the 3 were secretly wishing that they would not meet the fate of those in that movie who were fated to die. Yes. I am exaggerating again.)
The Purple Knight squinted to see the fort. He did not. The sun was bright and his eyes were not open enough. But he knew it was there and that was enough for him.
The NHNT wind silently gazed. By the look of his eyes and by the grin on his face it was clear that he had seen it.
The Gentle Giant let out a 'Whoop'. It meant he was happy. It also meant he was relieved that he can rest his huge body under a tree which only he could see. It also meant that he would rest there until woken.
The rest of the walk was a stroll. It wasn't exactly a stroll, but you know how it is with men and their energy when they are filled with hope. The gait had a spring in it and the sun suddenly became cooler by two degrees or so it seemed. The ten minute walk was reduced to 2 minutes (you know how it is with the crazy non-linear time) and the small tree at the top of the hill suddenly grew to a huge tree which gave shade to travelers from prehistoric times.
Oh Ok. There were 5 men. I was the 5th. Did you really think I could write this without being the 5th? You should be mad to think that way !!
So yes. The first line should read like this.
The 5 men were climbing the hill from a long time. The name of the 5th is immaterial, but well, we anyway know who it is.
To mention, the top of the hills did give a very mesmerizing view of the surrounding forest and the valleys. Just that we went there in the wrong month. November should be an excellent time. Even December and January should be fine. If you are going in February or March, do send me a mail so that i can say "Are you fuckin' mad??!!"
Vinayaka Rama had a very bleak outlook towards life. In fact it was so bleak, even dusk seemed a lot brighter and cheerful. Even the best of the torches miserably failed in their endeavor to lighten him up.
"There is nothing wrong" he used to say when people asked him in a concerned voice if everything was alright and he would continue, "There is no point in anything being right or wrong. Anything that happens, happens and we are no one to say if it is right or wrong".
Any sensible man would at that point leave Vinayaka Rama to himself and get back to whatever important that he was doing. Some people think they are more compassionate and decide to help the poor wretched soul.
"Don’t be negative. Don’t be pessimistic"
That was all Vinayaka Rama needed. He started with the supposed myth of optimism, debunked every piece of it, proved how life has no meaning, tore apart every positive nerve in the compassionate person’s body and finally left him a poor wretched soul like himself.
Sometimes his soul would take exception when it heard the 'poor wretched soul' part because it thought souls were energy.
"Energy cant be wretched" it energetically used to think.
After repeatedly hearing 'poor wretched soul' and understanding that it cannot change the way people perceived Vinayaka Rama, it got used to the phrase and thought of killing itself due to the dissatisfaction it was experiencing in Vinayaka Rama's mind, before realizing to its horror that it can’t die.
"Energy cannot be destroyed" sighed the PWS (Poor. Wretched. Soul.) very de-energized.
Strange things happen to men when they are faced with hot women and cool weather. Stranger things happen when there is cold water.
