How To Waste Your Saturday?

Let us get this clear first. It is important that you decide you are not going to waste your weekend. Unless this decision is taken, all other things that you do, words that you speak, shows that you watch, are simply meaningless in every sense. Why? Simply because, the absence is felt only when you know something should have been present. We mourn for people who died, not for those who were never born.

Hmm. So this Saturday, you were planning to pay those bills, once for all, finally. The government gives a shit about your work timings. It does not care if you need to be at office from 9 to 9. All it cares about is the money that you cough up for the service that you normally do not receive. Which is why, you end up paying for the broadband internet which is either too slow to respond or too bothered to respond. So what is wrong with the online payment? REALLY?! Why do you think the bills are pending for the last how many ever months they are pending for? You see, the online payment system just almost always has some severe fault lines and only those people who have suffered at the hands of this atrociously inefficient form of bill payment system know what kind of a health hazard it is. To explain with an example, let us see what usually happens on a step by step basis.

1. You are in love with the internet. After all, it allows you to pay your bill online. Which means, you do not have to go in the horrible sun to stand in the horrible queues, look at the man behind the counter who is taking your money and giving you that horrible attitude.
2. You login. You still have that smug smile which says, "Fuck the queue. Long live internet"
3. You type in your card number. You type in your name and passwords. And with a content look on the face which can beat that smug, proud face of the teenager who has just experienced his first kiss, you click on submit.
4. You realize that there is an unexpected error.
5. You also realize that money has disappeared from your account.
6. Now you wonder, if it is not in your account and if you have not received the payment receipt, where the hell is your money !
7. After all the ramblings, the whines, the curses, and the load of anti-everything statements, you pledge that you are going to do something about it soon, probably next Saturday.

Half of your Saturday is now chopped and the bits thrown to the dogs. You see those blood thirsty mongrels pounce on the half that was thrown to them. The half that is not thrown but as ravaged as the eaten half stares at you like your parents who have just caught you making out with your girl. Ewww. Sick. Why could they not just leave?!

You have an urge to do something about the wasted half, you search for any washed clothes that you have so that you can go out, find that there aren't, which is unsurprising as you have not gone near the washing machine for exactly 33 days now, abandon plans to go out, and firmly tell yourself, "This is it. I am washing everything TODAY. NOW". You search for the pile of unwashed clothes, which is not hard to find as there is a small mountain of dirty, stinking, greyish brown clothes in the dark corner of the smelly room. You grab them all, carry them to the washing machine, pour a handful of extremely powerful detergent liquid, fill water, and switch the machine on before you dump the clothes in.

The machine doesn't run.

You switch it off. Check the wires. Check the connection. Gently tap the machine and switch it on again. The machine does not make even a sound. No whizzing. Nothing. You shake it, softly at first, very hard later, and still it stays the same. Silent. It just does not show even a semblance of life. Dead. As simple as that.

Exasperated, tired, depressed, you trudge into your room and slump on the floor like a wet towel. So, the bill cannot be payed because the internet hates you, you cannot go out because the clothes hate you, you cannot wash the clothes because the washing machine hates you, and you muse, "Why oh why, the world has so much hatred, i feel like a stale fish fry".

You decide against calling the repair man. You shudder at the prospect of trying to call him, being unable to reach him, and believing that even he hates you. No. That is for tomorrow. For today, you are just going to rest your tired back, lean it on the couch, take control of the remote, and watch Doctor Who. Ah. At least, he does not hate you. Phew !

So, by the time the shows are over (the obsession is not just with Doctor Who, which leads to the fact that there were many shows that captured your attention which led you to be in a reclining position till 9 in the night), it is 9 ! It is 9 !!!! The sun has set and you did not even realize. You killed your Saturday! You utterly loathsome son of a lovable mother! You strangled it to death! Why don't you cremate it? At least you can respect your dead Saturday in its death! You cruel Jabberwocky... Off with your head!

You are not a party animal. Well, since you are a cruel Jabberwocky, it's obvious that you are not a party animal. Anyway, since you are not a party animal due to various debatable reasons, you finish your dinner in a place run by Vijay Bhayya who has come from Uttar Pradesh - sometimes you wonder if he is a god sent person as he provides you those hot samosas with scalding tea - which is another debatable question, and you leave it at that. You walk back to your house, cursing yourself all along for the time that you wasted just by relaxing, lying on the comfortable couch, watching Doctor Who decimate the Daleks, and then you stumble across the question that you stumble across on every Saturday night....

... well.... I did relax, didn't I?