The Aqua Man

(Click on the picture to calculate the distance between Aquaman
and Aqua (No. Aqua is not the name of the girl))

"It's a frog" croaked the old man.

"It's a dolphin!" yelped the excited pretty young thing.

"No..It's Praveen 'The Aqua man'" squeaked the five year old kid who watches a lot of cartoons but can see things for what they are.

The Aqua Man dived with the precision of a speeding bullet on it's way to meet the pre-frontal lobe of a demented politician. He met the tensed surface of water (The water was tensed because that's it's nature, not because of Aqua Man. For more information, please research on surface tension and water strider) with great felicity, sliced through it like a new blade on a three day old beard, submerged in the 'as-blue-as-a-bottle-of-diluted-ujala' pool for exactly 2 seconds, and reared his head again like a submarine popping out from the imposing depths of the 'concentrated-ujala' ocean. If you did not hear the roar of a sea-lion, it's because the Aqua Man, as the name suggests, is no sea-lion, but a human being. He just 'whoo'd.

It is interesting to note that even though human beings do have a tendency to roar, they generally avoid roaring as soon as they pop their heads above the water to avoid breathing the water in with the oxygen. Human beings tend to say 'whoo' or 'whoa' or 'aaah' depending on their aquatic capability and their musical sensibility. Our Aqua Man said 'whoo'. Basically he 'whoo'd, which is almost similar to 'wooed'. You woo a girl and you whoo the water and the pleasure of wooing and whooing is not very different which the masters of wooing and whooing are already aware of. However, if you have suddenly realized that whooing also results in the intake of H2O with O2, you are right, and I have no clue why human beings prefer the whooing to the roaring.

The sun shone down on the Aqua Man with pleasure, tanning him with the glee of a kid who is peeing on the compound of his jail-like school. The Aqua Man did take no notice of it. For him, the water was his world now, and the land was a distant planet which held no particular interest. As the other human beings dived around him, turning themselves into guileless buffaloes and graceless wildebeests, the Aqua Man whood again, welcoming them to his world, and smirking at their inability to translate their agility on land to floatability on water.

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The series of circusmtances that lead to the emergence of Aquaman (and the other happenings of the day)

The Snake And Its Plea

"Ravaging times are back again my King, the times are not ravaging in itself, it is them the group which I always blame are to be blamed"


"?"


"O Lord of the throne which is held by the Queen, I plead thee, to voice your command and rid this land from the sins of the blamed"


"!"


"I exhort and I expect, My silent emperor, of great punishments you will mete, to those who I always blame, not because they deserve, but because, they are to be blamed for the deeds of everyone"


"?!"


"The Son of Queen, I am afraid, will cast you away from the throne, but the time, is yet to arrive in all its pomp and glee. I will smile then, my Lord, with an evil smirk and grin, for you have disappointed me by your appalling silence, I will stamp my foot upon thy bearded chin"


"??"


"O Queen, I admire thy patience, thy courage, thy tenacity. You, my Queen, are to be admired, the namesake King has his speech stolen and yet still alive. My Queen, let your Son rise and let the Silence fall"


"!!"


"Bloody hound of the hand! I screamed and sang so much and this man still blinks and stares and looks at me with his worn out eyes and exclaimations and question marks. Cant he ever talk ? Let the queen go to hell with her son and whoever she wants to go with. I am out of my skin".


Thus spoke the snake from the desert, cast his old skin away, and with a new greenish whitish bluish skin, disappeared into the bushes.

Thus Whined Vinayaka Rama - 2

"It is unfair to expect men to understand women and still live with them, especially when what you've understood about them was what they were a day ago. Today they are completely different and by the time men realize that, it's either too little or too late. And tomorrow is another new day. A new woman!"

(After being thrown out of HIS house by the love of HIS life due to a very ambiguous statement which was something like, "Of course I love you! My friends think it cannot be anything else since I am still living with you!")

Hearsay, Heresy.. and well.. whatever.

His belief in acting strange so that people will not shudder in revulsion when they discover some of his eccentricities was not very abnormal. This belief made him talk in a way people do not want to hear, behave in a manner people can only dream about behaving, and sing with a voice which is best left to the most horrible imaginations a sadist could conjure. Every sentient being in the known universe probably does that, what do you call it, defence mechanism?

But he was not limited to just strange behaviour. Sometimes he also came up with philosophical statements which were, err… well, how can you put it, pretentious?


Like an instance when he famously told his boss, "Do you think it is ok to shout aloud so that not even you can hear your echos?"


The small group of people who were unfortunately around to hear this thought 'provoking' statement swear that they actually saw the boss looking at Vinayaka Rama with a stare which could have been translated to, "Either you think you are too smart, or you believe I am really stupid. For this act of stupidity of yours, I am going to see to it that you are hanged till death".


Before the boss could phrase a befitting statement for a harsh reply, Vinayaka Rama had continued with his pondering which would have had the capability to change the history of world, if and only if he had said that God had told this to him. He had not said that, precisely, Vinayaka Rama had not said that, and not God.


"But I do think that is stupid. If I shout aloud to cover my echos, won't my shouting aloud come back to me as an echo which is louder than the echo I am trying to stop? I think it will lead to too much of noise which is ultimately too loud to hear and unworthy enough to make any kind of sense out of it"


Rumours have that that is when the boss told Vinayaka Rama to shut up and reminded him that he is paid to work and not to mouth statements which doesn’t say anything in fact. There are also rumours which go to the extent of saying that Vinayaka Rama countered that by saying that that is all we do - say things that don’t say much as no one wants to be the one person who has said stuff that came back to haunt him for the rest of his life. Of course, the minutes of the meeting did not document all these as it was not an official meeting and the small group of people who were present there were not supposed to be officially present, which is why, their statements cannot be termed 'official', which is another word for 'stamped to be the truth'. Unofficially, their statements were validated and found to be very close to the events that occurred. However, these statements were not recorded for the simple reason that they were unofficial, and any shade of truth which is unofficial can only be classified as, hearsay, or in extreme cases, heresy.

[Broken Message]

Let. Go. Let Go. Let It Go.


Come. Back. Come Back. Begin.


Begin. From The End. End Not.


Go. Crazy. Go Crazy. Let. Go.

Thus Whined Vinayaka Rama - 1

"Whoever said skirts are formal wear have completely under-estimated the influence of 2 powerful natural forces.

1. Wind
2. Legs

Or... they are plainly blind"

The God Question

It was a normal day for the preacher. He had those ignorant, false-god worshiping, false-religion following, yet-to-be saved people listen to his true words like lizards stuck to the wall. No, they weren't the lizards and nor was he the wall - probably, the opposite was truer, but let us not get into the unnecessary details. He held their rapt attention. He condemned their gods, told them how irrational was it to believe in stuff that was too magical to be true, brushed aside a question on the thin line of difference between magical stories that can be believed and that cannot be believed, offered them heaven, salvation, and a horde of other things, and finally, gave them a 'I am here to save you' smile.

"God sees everything", he said patronizingly, as if he were the god, "Every word you speak, every move that you make, every thought that you think, every vision that you have, every sight that you see, every action that you take.. God sees everything. Live by HIS rules, not someone who is false. Love HIM. Not someone who does not exist. You cannot escape him. You cannot deny him. He is your master. He is your king. He is your father. He is the true GOD. And, he sees, hears, feels, smells everything that you do!"

Vinayaka Rama woke up from his small siesta. He blinked, wondered if there was a movie going on, looked at the crowd in a very confused way, looked at the preacher embarassed, and in a slow, dazed, hesitating voice, said, "Uh... I think I missed something.. I was in deep thoughts like one of our earlier Prime Minister.. So this god that you talk about.. Is this god a voyeur or a dictator?"

The crowd looked at him for a couple of seconds and turned to the preacher for an answer.